(re)Claiming lovely in the midst of Chaos
I took a shower today. It’s (sadly) a notable achievement. Something that happens about weekly. Even less often than Andrew -who typically gets 2 or 3 in per week (although as a man he is inherently more smelly than I , so maybe we are equally pathetic. ) When I first become a mother 8 years ago, I remember reading articles with titles like “How to make time for yourself with a new baby” Lots of messages out there that encourage mothers not to “lose” themselves. And at the top of almost every list/article/piece of advice is this: Be sure you take time for basic selfcare- shower every day. If the baby needs to cry (safely) in the crib for ten minutes while you wash yourself, it’s okay. The babe will be okay. In fact, your child will be all the better for it because YOU will be a better/happier (cleaner!) Mommy. These articles resonated with me: It WAS hard to maintain selfcare with a new born. Easy to imagine losing all identity and becoming encompassed with the care/love of your baby.
The difficulty of self care is magnified ten fold when you are a medically complex parent. A parent to a child who CANNOT lay crying in his bed- it is NOT safe. “Sneaking in a shower” isn’t as simple as letting your child stay safely in his crib. I can’t even remember how we scheduled showers initially- when Garrett was freshly discharged and very very fragile. I remember friends/family coming over to the house occasionally so they could watch him while we quickly washed- and one time it had been over 2 months since I had shaved, so when his afternoon nurse (who came once a week) arrived, I took a heavenly bath/personal spa session. (And our bathtub was in the bathroom that the nurse used, so the entire time I was in there I was aware that I was preventing her from re-leaving herself if necessary…)
That was all years ago though. When we were more aware of the gap in “acceptable personal hygiene” When (encouraged by those parenting articles) it was still a goal to shower nearly daily.
These days we are lucky if Andrew brushes his TEETH or I brush my HAIR daily. A recent conversation about a desire to keep our marriage strong even (especially) in the midst the difficulties we face being medically complex parents resulted in a pact: let’s try to shower more often. Let’s do that for ourselves. Let’s do that for our marriage. Heck let’s do it for our kids! I don’t think there will be one person complaining if we achieve this goal. Let’s reclaim oursleves. Brush our teeth. Do our hair. Get dressed in the morning instead of wearing jammies all day. As you can see, I’ve started out strong today. Over acheived even. I conditioned my hair AND shaved my armpits. You’re welcome Andrew. You’re welcome world.
You can expect more “put together Stephanie” pictures in the days to come. Hold me to it. Especially as I try to create a simple yet lovely, practical and feminine “momiform” that I wear daily. Stay tuned, and cheer me in… this is really a huge achievement.
